It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
