She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
