Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
