He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
