so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
ttyl tear gas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
