Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
