for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
