you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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