My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
