May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
