i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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