So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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