I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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