She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
pray to the hookup gods
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
