wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
