1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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