Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
