I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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