I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
