that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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