When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
