mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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