He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
