arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
