He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
