That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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