Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
