I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
soo... how was my night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
