Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
