Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
