12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .