can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.