I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.