so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up under a house in Key West
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
