Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means