what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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