Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
