He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
