The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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