I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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