I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
