She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
