I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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