so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
