I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
