you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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