i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The adults are the big ones right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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