Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
