Christians are straight up FREAKS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
