they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He felt like a one man threesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
