I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
