she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
