Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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