He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
