my being single is dangerous.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
