alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
