I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
