I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
