: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
