Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We are all done wearing pants today
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
