Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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