So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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