this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
