how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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