Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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