Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
