When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
