His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
