just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
