Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
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in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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