Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i love accidental penises.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
